Annie Moosee
Annie Moosee's Journal"My Posts"
Why am I not able to see anything I've posted in the last two months when I look under "My Posts"?
the search is also not pulling up anything when I search my own name. What's up, buttercups?
July 10, 2025
July 10, 2025
Happy Birthmonth!
I love you. I miss you.
Thursday. Yeah. I took Crystal to be spayed. I haven't been able to get to bed at a humane hour. 3 am. Why? So, the drive over was a hazard.
I keep thinking about how you used to read while you drove. Which is a riot. I don't recall seeing you do that, and I don't recall what you read. Did you ever say?
I was thinking the other night; I should ask... Mom, I should ask Mom about that... yeah. right. Why did you have to die?
So... after dropping Crystal off at the vet's, I spent $11 at dollar general on some candy and cans of Iced Coffee. I then visited the feral dogs at the rescue, spent a little time w them. Scarlet had climbed out of the 6+ foot tall, covered in a canopy - kennel and so is now in one of the pro-model dog runs w two young female dogs. Young dogs are so wriggly.
Honestly, Im impressed. I wonder if it was the fireworks that inspired her escape.
After i got home & fed my dogs, I put a basket of eggs in the car, backed out, and the basket fell over, spilling and breaking many of the eggs. Bummer. I backed back in, grabbed some more eggs....
Deb's got a spiffy generator now. 26 kW, and a propane tank to power it. I dreamt that I had bought a property with a solar power system. She indicated the generator was $1000, and the installation was 3 times that.
Wait... maybe it wasn't the fireworks... smh... I'm kinda confused. This is July 10th... sigh.
Aria escaped so often, I resorted to stringing a hot wire across the top and bottom of the yard in the trailer part. The only place she *did't* ever escape from was Keith's place. Even then, when I once took Riker on a walk with him and Bailey; Aria opened my bedroom window and got stuck out on the ledge over the garage. That was scary.
Later, when I moved Snowy over to Julie's place, Riker saw us leave and he did the same thing. Kieth was able to get him back in; which I was very grateful for. I was probably too shocked to express the fears and all when he told me about it.
It was in his driveway that some brat shot out the back window of my camper shell. That pissed me off. It didn't all break apart at once, it just gradually shattered and fell piece by piece.
And there was the time Bailey left a bike or other riding toy behind my truck. I told her to never do that. She yelled at me "I'm only going to be a minute!" - as I was getting in my truck, ready to leave!!
When I got back, I talked to her. She got upset I was calling her 6 yo self out for doing something she wasn't supposed to. Keith got upset she had yelled and was rude to me.
I, on the other hand, was upset she had no idea how dangerous and deadly what she had done was. This was 2006, and back up cameras and sensors were not standard, not by any stretch
If I hadn't seen her drop the scooter there, I would not have known. Running over and damaging a toy was only a small bit of my concern. If she had been bending down to pick it up?
When I confronted her, she tried to sass and run away... lol. I grabbed either her shoulder or her sleeve, saying "oh, no you don't!" So we kinda had it out right in front of her father. I wasn't angry and I didn't yell. I was stern. That stuff is serious.
Ah, the days of free range kids!
Happy Birthmonth
I love you
I miss you
The days so far
July 1, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182194617
July 2, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182194628
July 3, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182195526
July 5, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182196017
July 7, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182198027
July 8, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182199005#post2
July 9, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182198269
July 8, 2025
Happy Birthmonth
I love you.
I miss you.
I took Olivia for her annual visit; and her vaccinations. I think you would have loved her about as much as you loved Dove. She is almost always wanting to be loved on. She is easily as cute as Dove. Ornery in a different way.
She also has an enlarged heart and some sort of bubble or growth on the side of it. I am freaking out about it. And crying. The bubble was discovered last month, I've been waiting to get a referral to UT on this. So today was the opportunity to pin down Dr. Harris about it, and ask for copies of her xrays. And again be confronted with the reality that this sweet little baby who's been kept in a kennel for too long and had puppies that I don't know where they are or what happened to them, may not be with me for more than a year or two, and my heart is breaking and breaking.
Happy Birthmonth... sorry today doesn't feel so happy to me.
I love you. I miss you. I know you'd be there to comfort me and provide me a little strength to cope.
July 1, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182194617
July 2, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182194628
July 3, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182195526
July 5, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182196017
July 7, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182198027
July 9, 2025
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10182198269
July 9, 2025
July 9, 2025
Good morning, Mom!
Happy Birthmonth.
I love you, and I miss you.
I remember you asking why on earth I'd want to become a "Master Gardener". I think I said something about meeting new people, giving back to the community, and learning new information and ideas.
My feeling was that you were kinda put off; or not impressed or something. It was only much later that I recall you saying something like you were impressed by my bravery. Or something like that. It was something affirming, but I don't exactly remember. I also really like the idea of being a 2020 Master Gardener, lol.
I've finally managed to get out of the house more and actually volunteer at a shelter/ rescue. Huh. What's the difference? I don't know. But gosh the work makes my feet hurt. But in a different way from my arches falling.
I love all the animals, dogs, cats, cows, goats, sheep, mules and donkeys, and so on.
But I don't get to be around kitty purrs too often. So, here, I can be around cats. And kittens. Lots of kittens. I mean, really. Lots.
So Many Kittens!!!!
SO MANY KITTENS!!
Dear lord, I wish people would spay and neuter their pets. There are some puppies, here too. And a lot of teenagers dogs. And so very many unwanted adult dogs. I feel so heartbroken that there are so many unwanted pets, not just here, but those at the humane society, those relinquished to AC, those simply dumped, those being neglected in backyards.
I wish everyone would just spay and neuter their pets. EVERYONE!! *sigh*
And then there's this thing. It’s expensive; by any definition. It costs to spay and neuter any pet. But all the pets need that care. Pets need safe places to live, and loving caretakers. But the vet bills can really add up. And I know many people are simply doing their best, with limited resources and knowledge. Yeah, there are some that are not doing "their best", and not even trying, assuredly. Some do not deserve pets, I think.
I would love to see a veterinary clinic/services that was a sliding scale thing. Like One Acre Cafe, but for pets. So no-one has to relinquish or lose their pet simply for lack of funds. A thing where those that can afford to, donate to help others. Those that can't donate funds, volunteer to help pay it forward for vet bills. And for those that can't do that, well, they'll be helped to do as much as possible to take the best care of their pets and become (at least) advocates for animal welfare. That's the dream, anyway.
Losing Aria to Valley Fever still hurts. I still feel like a failure for that. It is still so hard to talk about her. I try, I try to talk or at least write about her. Because I don't want her forgotten. Because I want to remember. And maybe it will help me, somehow. Just a little. Her three pups, and Aria herself, were the last dogs I felt safe around a cat. Or I felt were cat safe.
First time I saw her; I thought Melody had returned to me. Sometimes, I entertain the notion that her three pups were the return of some of Melody's siblings that didn't have good lives. Deanna reminded me of Diamond.
Aria was bigger than Melody. And more brash, more ornery, and frequently much more difficult. She'd be fine with a dog, until I saw them, and then she'd try to bite or attack; except for Heber. She loved him. Ashe would "sing," occasionally. Arroo-ooo-ooooOOOOOooo-ia! Rubber nosed clown dog!
Melody broke my heart when she ran away, just before the start of the school year at a new school.
**** i was getting ready to add; but I began to snooze while sitting outside w the dogs. Jessie doesn't like to go outside without me. And I had a dream that I was supposed to get my dad something. I was trying to figure out what. And I couldn't ask my Mom... because she's gone... But dad is gone too? So what am I supposed to do? ***
I remember dreaming about Melody coming back home, but she never did.
At least not to me. Years and years later, Mom told me Melody returned near the end of her life. Eventually a woman came looking for her. She told Mom her story. She had be put in a wheelchair after a car accident. And her husband left her, her depression was deep and in her despair, she decided to roll her chair into the farm pond. As she went toward the pond, a skinny dog came up to her, whining. Melody pressed herself up onto the lady's lap, and she knew she had to take care of this dog.
Melody became her best companion, helping her to take care of herself and the house. Somehow, a kitten joined the home. And one day, Melody grabbed up the kitten and ran towards the pond. Terrified she'd drop the kitten to its death and mad by Melody's behavior; she rushed to stop her. Then she realized Melody had forced her to get out of the chair and walk again!
When the lady felt unsteady on her feet, Melody was there to help keep her balance. She was everything she needed; and moreover Melody helped her make new friends and return to living in the world. Up until she had run off to find Mom, Melody had stayed by her side, never straying.
Mom told me this, before I found Aria. And when Aria came to me, I thought maybe this time Melody would stay with me.
i adopted her in late October. In September, I knew she was pregnant. She had three puppies, my ex agreed to keeping all of them. After I tried to kill myself a few times, Aria became my service dog.
We separated, about 8 months after I was couldn’t work anymore. I managed to keep my dogs together. I still had a bit of hope back then. It wasn't all gone, yet. Two years or so later, and the guy I had rented a room from was getting married. I think his fiancé was jealous of me, and she manipulated him against me. It started after the New Year's Eve party. I had decided to wear a dress and some makeup. He commented later about how good I looked. It didn't mean anything to me. But I think she noticed (his girlfriend) - and next thing I knew, he proposed to her. Then she convinced him to sell his house and not rent it out.
I found a single-wide in a park, and my lot had a fence going all around the property. Because Aria could leap over a fence only four feet up, I set up a hot wire at the top and bottom of the fence.
Aria got in a scuffle with Riker.
Then she started limping. I thought it was nothing, just a pulled muscle. That it would go away. I was stupidly distracted by trying to move to the arena by then, and finding a place my goats could live.
She got worse. She cried. And I finally scraped enough money and got a care credit to take her to the vet. It was bad. The vet showed me the lesions all over her body.
Aria, I am so very sorry. I should've listened better to you. I know that by 2010 - 2013; you probably would have gone from old age... but at least not from Valley Fever. At least not like that.
Allie, who had said we were friends, left me a message that I couldn't keep my goats w her anymore, on the day I decided to put Aria to sleep. We were no longer friends and somehow I had insulted or offended her.
I don't remember in much detail how I managed to find the goats a new place, but an arena board member let me keep them there for a day. Then Balinda said she'd take them in. Then, finally, Nick spoke to his daughter (Kelly) - and she took them for a while. Kelly was fostering a large litter of "border collie" pups.
Dove was one of the puppies. Dove saved my life.
I was supposed to get her ashes back. But they scattered them. They scattered Aria's ashes. And now I don't have them. Her babies, Riker, Guinnan, and Deanna are buried over near the pond. But Aria is lost to me. My beautiful baby girl. I'm so sorry, Aria.
Aria gave me the strength to go to the store when I needed food. She made me calm down when a mad rage began to take over. She kept me company when there was nothing and no one else.
When Aria's illness hit; Dad was dying from cancer. We didn't know it yet. My sister was kinda being a bit weird. I was desperate to keep my animals together and alive, but I failed Aria.
I tried calling Red Rover...
Anyway.
I love you Mom.
Oh, god how I miss you.
Happy Birthmonth
July 7
July 7
Happy Birthday!!!
I love you
I miss you.
Well, will I manage to write something every day?
I don't know. I'm already two days behind.
The new foster dog is both a joy and a terror. She is a love, easy (mostly) to handle, seems to know a few basic commands. And I guessed she was house trained.
Then she walked right in front of me and pooped in the dust pan! I don't know what I ought to think. House trained? Upset at me? did I miss her asking to go out?
I wish I had known about belly bands when we first got Ricky. But he caught on fairly quickly. Not as fast as Harley, but not bad. And at least w male dogs, if you catch them lifting a leg, just tapping or pushing (gently) the leg down helps.
I remember the first night he was here, and how he wasn't settling down. Your laughter at his antics was like the ringing of hundreds of golden bells; absolutely beautiful..
Forks with round handles make me feel sad. I still am kinda shocked, and a little disappointed that you were deliberately giving me that dang fork, just to see my reaction.
And every time I got that stupid fork, I'd just quietly return it to the drawer and take out one I liked better. I never said anything. I had no clue as to what to say. I didn't want to offend you. And I was never sure what you were going to be offended by.
Sure, it's one thing for you to tell me how I was too - can't recall the exact word - but like irrational? to drive that rolling deathtrap of a toyota. And when I had hit that dog and hated myself for it; instead of saying offering an iota of compassion, you focused on how ridiculous I was for momentarily thinking my splashed water was blood. You maybe could have shown some compassion?
So, not knowing what to say, not knowing if you'd be offended if I said anything, I said nothing. But then, as we were driving by that building I assumed was used for apartments, I took a page from the Andy Griffith Show: "fake balconies the look pretty but are useless make me feed sad," taking a cue from Charlene Darling.
So, when the fork inevitably showed up on my tray, I said "forks with round handles make me feel sad." That’s when you said you were doing an experiment. Really? Really?!? Gee, thanks.
🙄
Hibiscus are very strange. Small trees, shrubs, vines?!? and of course, many annuals .
Your Rose of Sharon bloomed well before your birthday. It has been a good year for rain, and that set the start. But the last week or so has been a bit dry. So I don't know how long the blooms will last. But the magnolias have bloomed well, too. So maybe there will be more magnolia seeds I can gather. Someday I'll have a magnolia tree. One of the type w thick leaves and the giant flowers.
I love you, I do. And I miss you. I miss the camaraderie.
Happy Birthday.
July 5
July 5, 2025
Happy Birthmonth Mom
I love you.
I miss you.
This morning, a tiny little spider got stuck in my hair. I had just seen it, on the back of the bathroom mirror, so seeing it in my hair was a little bit of a surprise.
Getting it out of my hair was easy. Getting it off my hand/ arm ... not so much. Which is why I don't like to pick up or handle small insects. They have a tendency to not want to vacate something they've decided is safe, making relocating them a little difficult. Because the last thing I want is to relocate a small precious life only to accidentally hurt it.
And this little spood or sling was pretty much that way. It refused to get off my arm. And when I offered it a thing to crawl up on, it just went the other way. And did I say it was tiny? I thought it was an ant at first! We did eventually part ways. I figured it was likely a cobweb spider, so I let it stay in the bathroom. They are good little pest controls to have around. Even if it wasn't, there are probably enough provisions for that little one to last it a while.
I loved Lucas; but for some reason, I can't watch the episodes in a row. I remember feeling more and more anxious if I tried. WTF is up with that?
I miss sharing my observations of insects and small creatures with you. You have said how much you appreciated my pictures and information about them. I hope that was true.
Remember the little kitchen jumping spider? How, when you found his... probably hers, actually, little gone remains, how you cried? That was so endearing. And also kind of confusing to me.
Mostly, I guess, because I didn't feel the sense of respect or compassion when I felt sad over something "small" - like the passing of one of the first "talking husky" I remember seeing on Youtube. I felt like I wanted an acknowledgment of my grief that I felt you demanded. I do not understand these things. They hurt, but there never seemed to be space for that to be discussed.
Discovering Antman's Hill was such a blessing. And that would not have been possible without your support. The seed was going to the Theologian in Residence talks at Tusculom (what's w colleges becoming universities??).
There were those magnolia trees there at the building the talks were in. Thank you for letting me try to collect some seeds.
Turns out all the seed cones were empty! lol. But while I was picking them up, I chatted with a couple of very nice ladies, and they told me about Antman's Hill. What an excellent source of info they have been.
I still don't have any magnolia trees. *sigh*
I enjoyed those talks. I enjoyed seeing you out and about, talking to people. And I REALLY enjoyed the snacks and lunch! LOL
They reminded me of being at Pfeiffer. My first year there was pretty good. About the single best year I ever had in academia. Too bad it only lasted a year.
But I loved the cafeteria. The choice of foods, the salad... the cereal salad...
When I worked at the Bowling Green cafeteria, it was so dismal by comparison. There was a sense of need and want that was lacking at Pfeiffer (and Tusculum). Ummm... that almost seems like a bit of an oxymoron to put it that way! Pfeiffer and Tusculum had a sense of providing that Bowling Green lacked in many ways.
A sense of providing the food without judgment - at least that is what I felt. Is it funny that because I didn't feel required to be grateful nor required to eat, that I felt grateful?
Why is food and care such a fraught issue?
There are things that every living thing needs just to live. Why are they also so linked to oppression? Even when these things are provided for, there are so many strings attached that the web of them is itself a hazard.
I don't have any answers, really. I guess.
I miss you Mom. I miss being able to share my love for the little creatures with you. Nobody I know now is really that interested.
I love you.
Happy Birthmonth
July 3, 2025
July 3, 2025
Happy Birthmonth, Mom.
Yesterday I wrote this in my mind all day. All day I thought about the number 3, and about how that fit in with my life, your life; the life of you, my sister, and us all together.
Three is a weird little duck of a number. It is the last of the first prime numbers (assuming we count 1 as a prime...). In geography, it is the lowest number of non-curved (straight) sides a two dimensional figure can have. In construction, a three point attachment is almost golden, demanded for its stability.
Triangles are used to hold up roofs in the vast majority of times, even when the roof is flat. Just look at the zigzag pattern in the cross supports.
So, three, then. Most of our time here together, I had three dogs. First after Guinnan died, whom you took a disliking to. Poor girl, you never seemed to see how needy and truly sweet hearted she was.
Then when we adopted Pippi and Ricky. I was so glad you decided we should get Ricky. He needed so much love.
I used to make up description riddles for them:
I have two female dogs
Two border collie mixes
Two young dogs
Two that like water
How many dogs....?
Stuff like that.
There were three in our households, at different times while I was in K-12. Mostly you, my sister, me...
Then when Sandy went to college, it was you, Dad, and I.
For the most part. At different times; Sandy came back; and before that, my step-sister lived with us.
But there were us three in Tennessee. Only us two in the house; but the three of us here.
At times, I was concerned about her behavior. Would she come over uninvited and open gates that put the horses, goats, or dogs in danger? Would living farther away prevent that? So many worries. So many stories of the last 13 or so years, the strange and sad escape of the ferrets; the escape of a foster dog. And the evasive way she wouldn't answer some questions. She'd just ignore them. That bothered me.
Did she feel as ignored growing up as I did?
Funny thing, I felt more like I was being watched and surveilled this time around than when I was in high school. I had lived on my absolute own since 2004; not even a spouse, and I had to answer more questions than in high school. Like I was even less competent now.
Sorry.
I know you were mad at me when I called Sandy to let her know you were in the hospital. You never forgave her for shutting us, well, you, out. And I can understand that kind of pain. She was in pain, too. We all are, in our way, I guess.
Some use the pain to bend towards spite & a sense of othering. Some use their pain and develop deeper compassion for all and become more inclusive.
I still don't know the meaning of you telling me to stop telling the nurses "I'm Jone's daughter" when I came in. Was I unintentionally insulting the nurses? Did you feel insulted or embarrassed by me?
The trope in movies like 6th Sense, where the little boy tells his mother the answer to her question to her deceased mother is "yes" and the question is "are you ever proud of me?" I don't even bother to ask.
I am bitter at times. More often than not, even. And broken. I wanted... more, I guess. More than you were able to give. And I didn't know how to reconcile these things in my heart and in my mind.
But I still love you. And I wish you could have felt that better. That I could have helped you heal better from your own abandonments.
I love you Mom.
I miss you.
Happy Birthmonth.
July 2, 2025
Happy Birthmonth, mom. I still have the blanket. It is one of the last things I know of that Grandma V crocheted. I wish I had more...
I loved that scarf that was Dr. Who inspired. There was something kind of amusing about it. The scarf shown in the show was insane - aside from how long it was; it was made from multiple different colors, multiple different types of yarn (some heavy, some lighter) and in different stitches. There was no discernible pattern to it at all. The original was a totally chaotic, overly long, insane creation. And Grandma's reproduction used a strict set of colors, in even placement, one pattern of stitch for the entirety. But was even longer. It was wonderful.
Ruth did much damage to many of the comforters/ blankets I had. For her short life span, she kinda had an outsized influence. She little holes in everything were so annoying at the time. But years later, I found a "pet rat enthusiasts'" page. One of my favorite entries was a mock ad for "authentic rat-chewed" clothing. LOL! It went on and on about not accepting cheap fakes, and how this was the real deal, and how exclusive the product was. It made me feel better for the clothes I had kept that had holes and couldn't wear anymore.
A large part of the quilt I made for you and dad featured those items. My intention was it would be a lovely scene of a sun in a bright sky over lush rolling hills, saying "World's Best Parents".
It kinda was a mess. I tried so hard to get it right. It was my first attempt at anything like that. I had sewed clothes before, knitted a sweater or two, but that was my first quilt. The backing refused my efforts to control it!
After that, I made that quilt for Sandy and David. I was much happier for how that one turned out. Sewing all those strips of fabric scraps into the rainbow order took so long! But I was never much of a speedy sewer. My work was always difficult and slow. I know that it survived a few years.
Do you think Sandy and David liked it? I thought it looked nice, but since it disappeared after the divorce; I always had the feeling it wasn't really liked. And that's ok, now. I doubt I would've felt ok with it in the years past. But today I'm ok with it.
I recall the next blanket thing was just a fluffy monster of a quilt-like beast that had outlines of ferrets sleeping and in cute poses for the design. I guess Dad gave it away or sold it at one point. Oh, well.
After that, I gave up on sewing for the largest part; or at least I didn't really do much. That was all in the early to mid 90's. Oh, I still love to imagine sewing and making, and building things. But my imagination seems to be miles ahead of my ability.
Do you remember tearfully asking why I had never given you or you and Dad any "World's Best Parents/ Mom / Dad" type things after we moved here? It might have been around 2016/17 or so.
You were in your room, sitting in your rocking recliner, covered in a quilt (if I recall correctly).
It was the quilt I had made. The first quilt I had made. Perhaps the only surviving one. The one that said: "World's Best Parents".
The same quilt you have praised for being the perfect cuddle up quilt. The perfect lap blanket. Patched and repaired with random scraps of fabric, it still read (and still reads): World's Best Parents.
All I could do in that moment was look in shock and point at it. After all, I was about 50 at the time. I didn't know that not having more of those things, nor more recent things, could possibly be a problem or a heartbreak for you. I am sorry about not knowing. Sorry you needed more than I knew or was able to give.
We never talked about those things. Not really.
It is true, I have been angry and frustrated with you. Hurt by your accusations, your dismissive attitudes (especially towards the bullying and difficulties I had in school), there have been times I would not have thought "World's Best Parents".
But that does not, did not, erase my love for you.
There were funny jokes and histories and stories and hilarious adventures and not so hilarious events that were only shared between us. I miss that so very much. I miss you, still.
Happy Birthmonth, Mom.
I love you. I miss you.
July 1, 2025
Happy Birthmonth, Mom. I'm sorry I was never able to show you that I love you. That you couldn't believe me. I'm sorry I wasn't able to love you the way you wanted.
I hope you feel loved now. I hope you and Dad have been together, and that Dove, and Riker, all the ferrets... have been with you. Have you felt loved?
You are more loved than you ever knew.
I remember that night of the diagnosis. In the midst of words and terms forgotten and fears and trauma, our eyes met. You mouthed "I'm sorry." And I believed it.
For the first time, I felt like you meant those words. It felt like a brief blanket apology. Did you understand it wasn't the money or the niceties that living with you meant that I was afraid of losing? Do you know now how much a part of my life you were? If you had said "I love you", it wouldn't have meant as much.
In that moment, for just a second, I felt like you saw me. Not "me the projection of you" nor "me, the problem" nor "me the broken one," but like you saw me as me. For a second, a split second... I felt whole.
Thank you for that.
I love you.
Happy Birthmonth.
For the fur family not happy w fireworks
May I recommend calling the vet to get a script for trazodone? Be sure to give a small dose well prior the need to ensure your dog isn't one of the low precent that has a negative reaction to it.
Also, valerian root is a good herbal option to help your pets stay calm.
Having a tv or stereo on to provide an alternate noise source.
A suggestion I just saw was to make a little comfortable fort for the dogs and cats.
I had a dog that I would put a heavy jacket on her, our own "thundershirt." My mom was her favorite person to go to when the thunder or fireworks were overwhelming.
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Member since: Fri May 29, 2020, 02:55 PM
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